this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
