i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
