I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
