She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
