haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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