You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
