I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
