I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
