super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
