I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
