Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He shit in the fireplace
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
