Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
