i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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