Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
