Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
