umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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