So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
