she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
