im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
