I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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