I understand Curling. That high.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
