C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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