D3 body, D1 cock
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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