Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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