you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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