Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize