Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
