So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
