You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
