Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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