Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
