That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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