It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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