dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
