Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
