i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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