i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
