I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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