Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
