seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
