I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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