omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
