I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
