I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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