dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
