she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
