All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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