I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
