Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
