you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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