We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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