He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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