Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize