i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
