Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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