Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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