Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
this will be a night to untag.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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