Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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