Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
