You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
