she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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