we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
