Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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