I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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