I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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