I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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