i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Drunk is not a location!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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