Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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