just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
