I will die if light touches me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
