new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
